Dear Professional

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I have been introduced to a new way of thinking about God. It has been many years since I have gone to church. I just don’t believe in organized religion anymore and what they preach no longer feels right. I don’t believe there is a hell or the devil because I now believe we make our own hell and we can choose to be evil or do good. Yet, I believe in Jesus and consider my a Christian. But, with my new beliefs about what God is and is not, I am having difficulty trying to understand where Jesus fits in my life now. I feel good about my new awakening to spirituality but it has all become so confusing and I am becoming troubled about Jesus. I think I should still believe in Jesus, but because I believe differently about God, it doesn’t make sense somehow about Jesus. How do I address this to feel right?

Signed: Feeling Disconnected

Dear Feeling Disconnected,
First of all it might be that you are more connected to Christ than you realize. Your new direction in spirituality is one many have and are taking. Organized religion has been around for centuries and where fire and brimstone was often taught in order to control by instilling fear in the congregation, it doesn’t apply to all religions or all ministers. Some organized religions also have a new or different outlook on what God is. Certainly trying to identify where Jesus fits into your life now can be daunting but it doesn’t have to be. Belief in His teachings and trying to live by them every day is what matters. If you believe that Jesus was the son of God the question for you which you didn’t identify is “What are your new beliefs about what God is or is not?” I will attempt to help you to “see” or try to “make sense” of what I think you are asking. If your newly adopted spiritual belief is what many have and are moving to: God is all that is, God is everything, God is Love, God is Light, God is the air you breath, the ground you walk, the spirit of God is in each person you meet, then believe also that Jesus was the son of God just as you are the daughter or son of God, as we all are a particle of God.

Jesus was a teacher, a healer, a prophet. He was an enlightened figure, whose purpose was to teach the people to live in righteousness, to love thyself and love one another, ‘to seek to reconcile mankind back to Himself’.

Apart from The King James version of The Bible, there are two other books you might like to read. The Shack by William P. Young, (fiction or true?), The Mystical Life of Jesus by Sylvia Browne (very thought provoking and can help you to better understand Jesus in a new perspective with your new beliefs). These may help you as they have helped others.

 The important issue here is you believe what is right for you, what resonates with you, deep within you. Everyone has their belief about this topic, and everyone should respect the opinion and beliefs of others, right or wrong in your eyes, agree to disagree, for this is truly loving thy neighbour and is what Jesus teachings are all about. 

Find what resonates with you the most. Over time our opinions and beliefs about many things change. Find YOUR Truth, Find What Works For YOU and Feel Connected Again!

Live Well, Darlene DeStefano, PhD

I don’t know what is wrong. Our family is in turmoil. My husband and I seem to argue all the time  and both of us are touchy and irritable and we have not been intimate for some time now. My two children are ages 8 and 10. They both have behavioural issues and my eldest has really low self esteem. I find I am exhausted, lonely, and wondering when things will get better but each day just rolls into the next with little change.  I am so unhappy and even though deep down I still love him, I have been contemplating asking for a divorce. I have tried talking and we have been to a marriage counsellor. My kids are in counselling. What should I do, I can’t live like this anymore?
Signed: Sad, Lonely and Wanting Out

Dear Sad, Lonely and Wanting Out:
There are any number of reasons why your family is ‘out of sorts’. Before you decide to leave please, please consider all areas of your life and try to identify the possible root cause of all this turmoil. Children usually act out when something or someone in their environment/life is bothering them. Couples have many challenges at different stages in their relationship. Often the top three problem areas that create unrest between couples are money, in-laws, and disciplining/raising children. Take an honest overview of your life. If money is tight and bills are not getting paid, your debt load is too high, you aren’t sure how you are going to pay for something then I suggest talking to a financial consultant. They have the knowledge, skills, and tools to help you consolidate debt, and actually learn how to save for rainy days and even for retirement. Don’t dismiss this idea just because you think this doesn’t apply. If money is not the issue, then a counsellor would be the next step to help provide some insight. Let a professional help you sort it out.

Live Well, Darlene DeStefano, PhD

Learn by others. Read their joys and challenges. Perhaps something here will resonate with your own situation and provide you with some clarity.